The OMG Gang

Wow, just when I think I'm over this, I'm right back there. And I never know why I slide back there, I just do. I'm so sick and tired of working my life away, never seeing my kids, enjoying the things they do or even enjoying watching them do things. All my life I've felt as though my kids should wear shirts that say, "My mom won't be here, she's working." I think of all the things I've missed and all the things I continue to miss, because my ASS has to go to the office and work. No vacation, no PTO always having to work. Now none of this would bother me half as bad, if all the freaking parties involved would pull their damm share and work too. Bill and Melissa both are able bodies, capable of working, BUT WON'T ! I'd love to just say. . . You know what, I think I'll just stay home, and if I do there is no paycheck and no paycheck for me, means none for you. . . I'm sick and tired of parents who put all the responcibility of providi...

I'm sure it's because she is my last baby at home, that this year is speeding by. Everything we do, there's this under lying sadness because we know it's a last. I watch her even when she doesn't know I'm watching. I want these days to be burned into my mind. I know we will see these things again with the little ones, but it's different with Mariah, she's been our baby, we have raised her and guided her, and been there when life's carpet has been pulled out from underneath her feet. We have laughed with her, cried with her, screamed at her and cheered her on. . . She is the closest we have ever had to being ours. We have watched her grow from a little girl to a little woman. We have seen her friends come and go and those that have always been there. I've seen her comfort little ones as well as her mother, I've seen her stand up for the injustices of the world and tears flow at the sadness that life sometimes brings. Soon she will be applying ...

You know you're old when leaving for work one morning you notice a Neon Pink Penis on your daughters car back window and you're COMPLETELY appalled ! ! ! And then I call her to tell her I want it removed NOW and she says, Mom, calm down, I'm going to go wash my car on Wednesday on payday. So now I wait for that inevitable call from the school, because I'm pretty sure they are not going to let Mariah park a pink penis in the parking lot for the next 3 days. . . Yea'll I'm pretty sure about that.

Today is the day where it will all change. I sent my youngest off to her 1st day of Sr Year of High School. . . From here on things will be so different. Happy and yet sad too. You think about this day your whole life and then when it arrives, you can't believe how fast it got here. . .

It really does seem like yesterday, when I stood in the doorway watching Mariah play with her barbies in her doll house and now, well now that barbie playing baby is 17! She was such a busy kid, from sun up to sun down and if I EVER got her still for 2 minutes, she was out. Now she's grown, starting her Sr. Year in less than a month and I'm going to be seeing a lot of "lasts". Last time she does homework late and last band season and last high school boyfriends and nights out with her high school girlfriends. She looks like me and acts a lot like I used to. But I don't hold that against her, because she's going to be GREAT ! ! ! She's going to go do College and Life, like its never been done before, and I'm going to have the best time in life watching it all go down. I love this baby, she's the very air I breath most days, and the other days, well lets just say, I love her those days too. . .

It doesn't really matter what happens in life, life just moves on. It doesn't care if you're ready or not. . . it just moves on. And this is my life, just like everyone else's. Summer is burning up and not just the temps, although we have hit triple digits in June, that is usually saved for August or at least late July, it came hard and heavy and fast this summer. But the days are just zooming by. I don't see my children much, and I miss them, I miss them terribly. Leslie is this "GROWN UP" I hardly recognize, Bethaney is enjoying the sunshine and her siblings and seeing and spending time with friends. Mariah has not a care in the world. She's loving nothing but working and sleeping, a teen-agers dream! Me and Bob, well most days we just exist. In the same space we call "Our Home". It's not that there's ugliness between us, there just not a lot between us. We don't really fight, we barely talk, we manage the day, the way we should...

Well a few days have past, but not the hurt or betrayal. He seems to think that it should, that it could but I can hardly breath, let alone think of forgiveness. What was I even thinking. . . I willingly entered this relationship knowing full well what I was walking into. Nothing could be further from the truth. . .

It seems like only yesterday. . . how many times in life do we hear this phrase. Well no truer words have ever been spoken. It seems like yesterday my Daughter was brand spanking new, and now she's 22, in her soon to be last semester of college. And my Boo, so grown up at 21 and already has that "Teacher" look and my babe Mariah, who in 3 days............ will be a Sr. in High School. So many, many changes over the last year. Poppa is not doing well and has been in two different hospitals over the last 6 weeks. I'm starting to believe that he will never see the outside world again. For every hurdle he conquers, another takes him off his feet. He is such a warrior but has been severely beaten in this latest battle. Lisa stays with him and Nana through the week and I go down and stay the weekends. I love our time together and hate if I have to miss no matter what the reason. It's just like our special time we used to spend when I was little and traveled with him acr...